Struggles in the Dark: Q&A with Kathryn Green-McCreight

Rev. Kathryn Greene-McCreight, author of Darkness Is my Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness, spoke with HopeandHealing.org about mental health and the church. 

HopeandHealing.org: How did you arrive at the title of your book Darkness is my Only Companion?

Kathryn Greene-McCreight: It is from Psalm 88 in the Episcopal Prayer Book – this is the last line. There aren’t very many psalms that end in complete despair like Psalm 88. I really felt darkness was my only companion, and that I was isolated from everybody. I felt like I was behind a glass wall.

HH: That seems to tie in to the theological idea you talk about in your book -- the Dark Night of the Soul. Could tell us a little bit about that?

KGM: In the middle ages, The Dark Night of the Soul was specific malady – a real spiritual battle. The difference between this and depression is that in the Dark Night you want to please God, you want to do God’s work, but just feel that you can’t. Probably true that none of us can – certainly not without God’s grace.

I questioned if I really had the Dark Night of the Soul or if I was just having a very dark time. If it was spiritual, why are you going to see a doctor for it? Why are you taking medicine for it? Why are you having shock therapy for it? Why such a biological model, a scientific model, if you believe it’s spiritual?

I believe that God works in all sorts of ways in our lives. I thought in terms of God’s grace being available to me in a pill, in a psychiatrist, in a therapist and in the hospital when I needed it. Even though I did understand it to be the Dark Night of the Soul, I saw all of these remedies as being part of God’s grace.

HH: How did your experience while you were ill affect your role as a priest?

KGM: While I was ill, I was not able to support people emotionally. I was able to go through liturgies. I was even able to preach, but I think that was the power of the Holy Sprit because it was very hard to do anything with my brain. It was very hard to think. As a priest, it made me very aware of other people’s difficulties in life, particularly mental illnesses. It made me very empathetic and a much better priest.

HH: What call do you think the church has in mental health? What can the church do or what should the church do? And what should individual Christians in their congregations do about mental health?

KGM: The first thing is not to be afraid of people who are ill. People who experience mental illness can act oddly. They can be very self-isolating and therefore come across as unfriendly. People’s reaction is to back off, which is exactly the wrong thing to do.

Mentally ill people can be very unattractive even when they may usually be attractive. Some mentally ill people shake a lot from the medication. We have a schizophrenic man in our parish, a dear man, but I think sometimes people are intimidated by him because he shakes a lot. They may be asking themselves, “What is wrong with him?” or “If I get too close to him, what is going to happen to me?”

The best thing for people in Christian communities to do is to learn how to love their neighbor when their neighbor is ill. That is a very hard thing to do whether it is a physical or a mental illness. When somebody is very depressed, they can be quite uncommunicative. It takes a lot of extra effort for others to go side by side with them.

Pastors and priests need to be aware of mental illness – they should read about it and visit mental hospitals so they are not afraid of mental patients. Watch for people who cry at the drop of a hat among your parishioners. If you look out at your congregation, is someone weeping during the hymns? Sometimes that means something, sometimes it doesn’t. Usually it will mean there is some pain there. If pastors and priests are more aware of their congregation, that will help.

Also, every priest, pastor or minister should be prepared for dealing with a suicide. When a suicide hits, you have no time to think about how you are going to react. What are you going to say to the family? How are you going to help them get rid of the mattress soaked in blood on which their son shot himself? How are you going to help them get through the next day? What are you going to say at the funeral? These are terribly difficult times. If you have not thought about it in advance, you can end up saying things in your confusion to the family that are extremely unpastoral.

HH: In your book you write about prayer and what it did for you. Could you talk about that?

KGM: For me, prayer was very important, yet it was very difficult too. Depression is a very biological problem. When you are really ill your brain slows down, you can’t concentrate and you can’t think straight. Saying the daily office took a long time. It usually takes a half hour for Morning Prayer and 15 to 20 minutes for Evening Prayer. But in the hospital, I would spend all day just trying to read the scriptures and say the prayers. It was very hard, but it was most healing – reading scripture and praying.

Knowing people were praying for me was a big help. Knowing people cared enough and were coming into my very small world through prayer was really beautiful. But then again, praying, when you feel like screaming at God, is difficult. That is why the Psalms of Lament became so important to me. I needed to know that God wanted to hear my utmost despair. I always knew that the Christian life was difficult. But I never knew how very hard it can be, yet how extremely beautiful it is.

HH: What would you say to a Christian who suffers from bipolar or depression?

KGM: This can get better. Remember the better times; they will return. You must literally keep moving. The more you get out in the world the better you are going to feel. You can not stay in bed feeling miserable– get outside, or just out of bed and the change will start snowballing into energy. It will help you cope more effectively. Even a little walk down the block or going out and spending some time with some friends – it can be incredibly painful – but it will be good for you.

I would also say to people: are you going to church or are you isolating? If they say, “I just can’t get out of bed” then you have to nag them gently: you need to be at church. You need the Christian community. If you think the person is in danger from their illness, then you need to contact family, close friends or their doctor.

Get a sense of their understanding of what is going on. If you need to call 911. It may feel like sticking your nose in someone else’s business, but as Christians we are indeed our brother’s keeper. We are meant to stand with other members of the body of Christ. “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the Law of Christ” (Gal 6:2). Turning the other way may make us feel less uncomfortable, but it may in fact cause someone else a lot of pain.

HH: Is there any more practical advice you would give?

KGM: Pastors, friends or family visiting people in the mental hospital need to know that it is very hard to be a patient for many reasons. On a locked ward, one can feel extremely embarrassed and ashamed. It is terribly exhausting to be mentally ill. Having a visitor can tire the patient. So if you visit somebody in the hospital, you should be aware that staying for five minutes may be enough.

If there is a suicide it is important to be present. When one of my friends killed himself, we would not let the family be alone the first few days afterward. Somebody was always over at their house with food. If they woke up in the middle of the night and were upset, at least they had somebody from their church that they could cry with, or yell at or suffer with. This is a ministry of presence. A lot people think that you have to have words all the time. I don’t believe that. Just sitting with someone who is suffering can really go a long way.

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